I mentioned in the previous post that my employment history spans almost forty years, with most of that time spent as a corporate employee. Yet, I have so far presented a very critical view of cubicle life and the corporate work environment. A reasonably astute reader might sense the hypocrisy here and ask: "If the corporate world is such a mad, soul-less environment, why have you stayed there for so long?" I don't have a simple answer. I'm not sure I can even muster a coherent response, but the rambling that follows here is a result of my musings on this question.
A FREUDIAN PERSPECTIVE
Maybe the reason I've stayed in the corporate cubicle all these years is that I lack the courage to follow my own dreams and I'm too cynical, self-centered, and independent to give my life's energy to a worthy cause. Maybe I am neither a leader nor a follower. Maybe I am neither a team player nor a coach. Maybe I'm a prisoner inside myself, caught between fear of failure on one side and doubt of success on the other. Maybe I am a resident of the nether land of mediocrity, where tortured souls sit, fret, and sink into the quicksand of cynicism and self-loathing because they are afraid to launch themselves onto the sea of life. Maybe I am a Freudian psychoanalyst's dream of neurosis and suppressed desires. Maybe my psyche is such a Gordian knot of dysfunction that it would stymie the sword-stroke of psychoanalysis to untie it. Maybe this is why I've spent so many years in the cubicle. Maybe I'm just avoiding life.
A POSSIBLE EXIT POINT
And maybe you should stop reading right here, cover yourself with a suffocating shroud of despair, and accept the futility and hopelessness of life in the corporate cubicle. If you choose to read on from here, be aware that I am going to taunt you with a gossamer thread of hope that may give you reason to believe that life as a corporate cubicle worker isn't so bad after all.
A GOSSAMER THREAD OF HOPE
For a different – perhaps more hopeful - perspective on my motivation for staying in the corporate cubicle all these years, I now turn from Freud to Abraham Maslow and his “hierarchy of needs” - otherwise known as Maslow's Pyramid:
If you've taken a college psychology course or attended a corporate-sponsored motivational leadership seminar, you've probably been exposed to Maslow's Pyramid. According to this view of the human psyche, we are motivated to satisfy our needs in a hierarchical fashion, sort of like climbing a ladder. Once needs are met at lower levels, we then increasingly focus on meeting needs at higher levels. We reach the top level of the pyramid when we have experiences where we reach our full potential in terms of what we want to be or do in life.
It seems to me that regarding the “lower level” needs on Maslow's pyramid, life is more about balance than achievement; more about having enough than getting all I can get. In attempting to satisfy my “lower level” needs, perfection is somewhere in the middle, not at the extremes. From this perspective, I can honestly say, “I have enough.” I don't crave more food, a bigger house in a better neighborhood, a nicer car, more security, or more money. I don't have an aching, unfulfilled hunger for more friends, a more loving family, or sexual intimacy. I do confess to a certain anxiety that this balance could disappear in an instant, and I could suddenly face a debilitating deficit of one or more of these things in my life; but at this moment, I am full. I have enough. My life is in balance.
I don't look to my job in the corporate cubicle to satisfy all these needs. I don't expect to have a corporate career that takes me to the pinnacle of Maslow's pyramid. However, being a cubicle worker, a cog in the corporate machine, does play an important part in enabling me to live a balanced and rewarding life.
WHAT I GET FROM MY CORPORATE CUBICLE “CAREER”
First – It's how I make a living. It's how I earn money to provide for the physiological needs and security of myself and my family. My cubicle job is the primary source from which I draw to satisfy basic needs.
Second – My job allows me to participate as a community member. For example, because I have this job, I am a member of the following communities: cubicle workers, IT professionals, [my company] employees. Within these communities, I have friends, acquaintances, mentors, and heroes. I participate and contribute as an individual in these communities.
Third – My job gives me opportunities for personal and professional growth. Here, I can pursue formal education as well as learning from experience. For example, I recently completed a Bachelor's degree which was paid for by the corporation. Over the years, I have attended many professional seminars and been a presenter at some.
PUTTING IT ALL IN CONTEXT
I'm not a careerist. I don't look to my career as the primary source for a fulfilling life. I have a career; the career doesn't have me. At the beginning of the day, I come to the cubicle prepared to make a contribution. Sometimes I am successful; sometimes not. (Sometimes, I feel like I can't possibly do this even one more day.) At the end of the day, I try to take home what I need and leave the rest behind for another day. I don't need the frustrations, but I do need a paycheck.
Over the years, I've learned that perfection and excellence have to be created by means of hard work, skill, and patience. I won't find the perfect career, or the perfect life companion, or the perfect friend just by searching. I have to take what's good enough and work with it to improve it over time.
I recently read an article on forbes.com entitled “Why Our Search For Perfection Fails Us” by Marc and Angel Chernoff. The article closes with this paragraph: “With a little patience and an open mind, over time, I bet that imperfect house evolves into a comfortable home. That imperfect job evolves into a rewarding career. That imperfect friend evolves into a steady shoulder to lean on. And that imperfect lover evolves into a reliable lifelong companion.”
I don't think a career in the corporate cubicle is likely to take anyone to the top level of Maslow's pyramid in and of itself. However, it can be a rewarding career and an important part of living a successful, balanced life. It may bring you to the point of being able to say "I have enough" in terms of lower-level needs and provide a springboard for achieving higher level life goals associated with esteem and self-actualization.
ARE YOU NOBODY, TOO?
There have been times when I have fantasized about being "somebody"; about changing the world; making a difference on a grand scale. But I am becoming more and more comfortable with being nobody; just a cog in the corporate machine; just an ordinary human being; just a dot in the big picture. I've had a great life so far, and I'm nobody. In closing, I offer you another verse from my favorite poet, Emily Dickinson. I imagine it may be of some consolation to those of us who labor in obscurity in the cubicle.
I'm nobody! Who are you?
Are you nobody, too?
Then there's a pair of us -don't tell!
They'd banish us, you know.
How dreary to be somebody!
How public, like a frog
To tell your name the livelong day
To an admiring bog!
I've often seen that pyramid representing time rather than rungs on a ladder. We spend the vast majority of our time on basic needs because they are just that--basic. And every once in a great great while we touch the top. Yet I still want to fool myself into believing the illusion that someday I can flip the pyramid and maybe even make it a sphere.
ReplyDeleteI remember a discussion with you about what it means to be a human, and you helped me realize that our existence - the human existence - is a tiny dot on the line of the existence of the universe. We are given so little time to live, it is no wonder many struggle with finding a way to not be forgotten or to make their dot in the picture more noticable.
ReplyDeleteIn the end, I like the idea that we are all nobody together, and I especially like the idea that if all our nobody dots suddenly fell off the big picture leaving only the somebodies - the picture would no longer be interesting.
A good colleague used to say, "You're very unique. Just like everyone else."
ReplyDeleteI met a retired judge in his late 80s who by all accounts has had a very fulfilling life. As we enjoyed an afternoon drink on the patio of one of his vacation homes, he shared the he was continuing to work every day as an attorney. To him life is like riding a bicycle and work is the act of pedaling. You can stop to pedal and coast for a little while before it either becomes too boring or you simply lose momentum and fall down. So, keep pedaling good sir, for you need no justification for your vocations of the last four decades and being a happy nobody beats being a frantic and unhappy somebody.